Have been the most agonizing/lonely/stressful/self-reflected/learning experience of my life SO FAR. Labor Day weekend last year is when my girlfriend broke up with me to quote unquote whore around at her school. Fuck you. Community college last year absolutely blew. Horrible classes, horrible teachers, horrible environment. The weather was absolutely horrendous during this time. Then my family issues started to heat up. The parents became very malicious when it came to what I was doing academically wise. I killed their dreams by quitting the journey to becoming a doctor. It made me miserable. Then arose the little “self-harm” idea that would crowd my thoughts daily. Drinking became a huge problem. Skipping classes to drink, stealing my folks’ liquor to drink, lying to friends/family about what I did the prior night because I drank. I was bad. Then i stopped eating for a bit. I bottled out to a frail 122 pound frame around thanksgiving which is very VERY thin for someone my height. I didn’t have any energy - I felt like shit. So i started to pick up cigarettes. Logical right? Buy a pack here, steal from my dad here. Now I don’t want to over exaggerate my life because I understand there are plenty of harder lives, but I essentially just spiraled out of control. Nothing went my way, I couldn’t get a grip of reality and the fact that LIFE threw shit at me for once. I was bad. And immature. And naive. Around christmas time is when I got a personal trainer. Started working with them. Got introduced to the art of improv comedy in February. Then to top it all off I picked up vocal lessons around June to improve myself musically. So, ONE YEAR LATER, I’m here. I’m breathing. I’m thankful. I’m okay. I’m alive. I know there are gonna be even MORE challenging things to come. It’s hope though. Faith in believing everything will be just fine. I have love and support. I’m a healthy 138 pounds. I have a confident singing voice to compliment my instrument talents. My parents have fully given up on me.. yet. I’m here. I have myself and no one else. And it feels comforting. Tomorrow begins a new journey for me. Moving out.
Today was it. My last day home before being shipped off to college. Woke up super early (6:30am) to get one more workout in at the ol’ gym. Then caught the train to Philly to get a haircut. Hung out with the best friend Walker all day. Filmed his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Then it was my final improv show in Philly. It went great! Such good vibes. Tried to live in every moment possible. It went wonderful. Wonderful wonderful. There’s this huge sadness in me though. Natural I guess. Tomorrow I move into school. I’m gonna recap these past 12 months in another post.